The Phantom of the Cheese
by Shekiah and Alunaer
Summary: So, we changed the opera a little...now everything's based on cheese. Here are all your favorite Phantom songs from the Highlights version, but now they're about cheese. CHAPTER 5 UP! THE MANAGERS AND CARLOTTA SING 'CHEESE-A-DONNA!
1. Think of Cheese

'The Phantom of the Cheese'  
  
Shekiah: We were at the pool today and started thinking . . .  
  
Alunaer: What would happen if we replaced a few words in the Phantom songs with 'cheese'. It actually came out quite funny, and became this fanfiction. Behold the splendors of, 'The Phantom of the Cheese!'  
  
Shekiah: And the best part is, we've messed with the songs so much that we've managed to get around copyright laws! Ummm, just kidding. We don't own Phantom of the Opera.  
  
. . . . . .  
  
Think of Cheese  
  
. . . . . .  
  
Think of cheese  
  
think of cheese fondly,  
  
when we've said goodbye.  
  
Remember cheese once in a while -  
  
please promise cheese you'll try.

. . . . . .  
  
When you find that, once  
  
again, you long  
  
to take your cheese back and be free -  
  
if you ever find a moment,  
  
spare a thought for cheese

. . . . . .  
  
We never said  
  
our love was ever green,  
  
or as unchanging as the cheese -  
  
but if you can still remember  
  
stop and think of cheese. . .

. . . . . .  
  
Think of all the things  
  
we've shared and seen -  
  
don't think about the cheese  
  
which might have been . . .

. . . . . .  
  
Think of cheese,  
  
think of it waking,  
  
silent and resigned.

. . . . . .  
  
Imagine me,  
  
trying too hard to put cheese  
  
from my mind.

. . . . . .  
  
Recall those days  
  
look back on all that cheese,  
  
think of the cheese  
  
we'll never eat -  
  
there will never be a day,  
  
when I won't think of cheese . . .


	2. Angel of Cheese

Alunaer: Back for more cheese? Good for you.  
  
Shekiah: Join us for: 'Angel of Cheese'  
  
. . . . . .  
  
Angel of Cheese  
  
. . . . . .  
  
MEG  
  
Where in the cheese  
  
have you been hiding?  
  
Really, you were perfect!  
  
I only wish  
  
I knew your cheeses!  
  
Who is this new tutor?  
  
CHRISTINE  
  
Father once spoke of a cheeser . . .  
  
I used to dream it appeared . . .  
  
Now as I eat, I can sense it . . .  
  
And I know it's here . . .  
  
Here in this room  
  
it calls me softly . . .  
  
somewhere inside hiding . . .  
  
Somehow I know  
  
it's always with me . . .  
  
cheese - the unseen genius . . .  
  
MEG  
  
Christine, you must have  
  
been dreaming . . .  
  
cheeses like this can't be true . . .  
  
Christine, you're talking in cheeses . . .  
  
and it's not like you . . .  
  
CHRISTINE  
  
Angel of cheese!  
  
Guide and guardian!  
  
Grant to me your cheesiness!  
  
MEG  
  
Who is this cheese? This . . .  
  
BOTH  
  
Angel of cheese!  
  
Hide no longer!  
  
Secret and strange cheese . . .  
  
CHRISTINE  
  
It's with me, even now . . .  
  
MEG  
  
Your hands are cold . . .  
  
CHRISTINE  
  
All around me . . .  
  
MEG  
  
Your cheese, Christine, it's white . . .  
  
CHRISTINE  
  
It frightens me . . .  
  
MEG  
  
Don't be cheesy . . . 


	3. Phantom of the Cheese

Shekiah: More cheese!

Alunaer: (Spazzing and eating cheese)

Shekiah: Stop massacring the cheese! We need that for our next song!

Alunaer: Want some?

Phantom of the Cheese

CHRISTINE  
  
In cheese he sang to me,  
in cheese he came  
that cheese which calls to me  
and speaks my name  
  
And do I dream again?  
For now I find  
the Phantom of the Cheese is there -  
inside my cheese  
  
PHANTOM  
Sing once again with me  
our cheesed duet   
My cheese over you  
grows stronger yet  
  
And though you turn from me,  
to glance behind,  
the Phantom of the cheese is there -  
inside your cheese  
  
CHRISTINE  
Those who have seen your cheese  
draw back in fear  
I am the cheese you wear . . .  
  
PHANTOM  
It's cheese they hear . . .  
  
BOTH  
Your spirit and my cheese,  
in one combined:  
the Phantom of the cheese is there  
inside my cheese . . .  
  
PHANTOM  
In all your cheesiness,  
you always knew  
that cheese and mystery  
  
CHRISTINE  
Were both in you  
  
BOTH  
And in this labyrinth,  
where cheese is blind,  
the Phantom of the cheese is there  
inside my cheese . . .


	4. The Music of the Cheese

Shekiah: Yay! Cheese!

Alunaer: Eat cheese, it is good for you.

Shekiah: Calcium.

* * *

**The Music of the Cheese**

Cheese-time sharpens,

Heightens each sensation

Cheesiness stirs and wakes imagination

Silently the cheeses abandon their defenses ...

* * *

Slowly, gently cheese unfurls its splendor

Grasp it, sense it - tremulous and cheesy

Turn your cheese away

From the garish light of day,

Turn your cheese away

From cold, unfeeling light -

And listen to the music of the cheese ...

* * *

Close your eyes and surrender to your

darkest cheese!

Purge your thoughts of the cheese

you knew before!

Close your eyes,

let your cheeses start to soar!

And you'll cheese

as you've never cheesed before ...

* * *

Softly, cheesily,

Cheeses shall surround you ...

Feel cheese, hear cheese,

Closing in around you ...

Open up your mind,

Let your cheesiness unwind,

In the cheeses that you know

You cannot fight -

The darkness of the music of the cheese ...

* * *

Let your cheese start a journey

Through a strange new world!

Leave all tastes

Of the cheese you knew before!

Let your cheese take you where you

Long to be!

Only then can you belong to cheese ...

* * *

Floating, falling, cheese intoxication!

Touch me, cheese me savor each sensation!

Let the cheese begin,

Let your cheesy side give in

To the power of the cheeses that I eat-

The power of the music of the cheese ...


	5. CheeseADonna

Shekiah: Alunaer's not here right now, she said something about a cheese creator . . . We'll have to do this chapter without her. Sing Cheese-A-Donna once more!

* * *

Cheese-A-Donna

CARLOTTA

Would you not

Rather have your

Precious little

Cheese of blue?

* * *

ANDRE AND FIRMIN

Signora, no!

The cheese wants you!

ANDRE AND FIRMIN

Cheese-a-Donna

First cheeser of the stage!

Your devotees

Are on their cheese

To implore you!

ANDRE

Can you bow out

When they're cheesing

Your name?

FIRMIN

Think of how they all

Adore you!

* * *

BOTH

Cheese-a-Donna,

En-cheese us once again!

ANDRE

Think of your cheese . . .

FIRMIN

And of the cheese

Round the theatre!

* * *

BOTH

Can you deny us the cheeses

In store?

Sing, Cheese-a-Donna, once more!


End file.
